I could repent my dissent and prevent my descent
but I meant to pretend in the end, it made sense.
But the end should have come a long time ago,
we both just held on, although we both know
that we are no longer two peas in a pod,
two bees with a job, you see it's just wrong.
I can't be the guy who just cheers from the yard,
invite me inside, you'll see it's not hard.
My love was a gift, I gave it to you,
my hopes and my dreams, betrayed them for you.
Yes we are different, from two separate worlds,
with you being highbrow and me being poor.
You told me "no matter, I could care less",
now three years gone, it's all a fair mess.
It really does hurt me, although I can't show it.
I really do love you, although you can't know it.
All that I wanted was more of your time,
I loved being with you relaxed and reclined.
Just hearing you breathe was plenty for me,
but you wanted silence, no petting from me.
I guess in the end all our differences won,
so go with the moon, I'll stay for the sun...
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Comments
great rhyme scheme, that's definetly my favorite part about this.
great work hemp. very nice poem. take care bud.
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.imagine.
can't believe I forgot to do that...
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I support $jark & $matteo
Community before Commerce...
so go with the moon, I'll stay for the sun... "
That was awesome, man.
Sorry to hear about your pain.
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In the land of aardvarks and elastic squirrels, I am a god.
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~ionyka~
~There is nothing that is completely within our power except our thoughts~
invite me inside, you'll see it's not hard."
I know that feeling man. No matter what you do you wont be good enough for them, and while she may think for a time that you can match up to the expectations that have been set, in the end reality just wont let it work. It's a shame more people don't care about things like "love" and "happiness" and instead all they are concerned about is the house you grew up in and the size of your wallet. But such is life. I'm really glad you were able to end it on a good note, I hope you don't sink yourself like I did.
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bleh
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EastCoastEuro.net
That line rolls off of my tongue like butter. I love it I love it I love it. Good job with hooking your reader using a powerful line that is memorable.
two bees with a job, you see it's just wrong.
I can't tell you how much I know what this feels like. When a relationship starts to feel like a chore, and you're coworkers who tolerate each other rather than the a team that loved working together... That's a bad feeling. Beautifully displayed. I wouldn't have thought of the bees.
my hopes and my dreams, betrayed them for you.
This is the antithesis of what I normally do. I usually sacrifice relationships for my craft, because I've never met anyone who means more to me than my work. This shows me, definitely, how much you cared for her at one point.
<I.Yes we are different, from two separate worlds,
with you being highbrow and me being poor.
This bothered me a little bit, because it broke the rhyme scheme. It did give my mind time to breathe, though. It stopped the word association and made me see what was in the middle of the poem, perhaps the placement was a technical device to make your audience realize that the duality of your backgrounds was the root of the evil that ate your relationship? If so, nice device. Beautifully executed, again.
I guess in the end all our differences won,
so go with the moon, I'll stay for the sun...
Goddamn. Imagery, metaphor, poetic device, diction...
everything.
Rabbit
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Support bacteria: it's the only culture most people have.
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